Man!! I am already 30!! The realization came just 2 days back. I knew my birthday was approaching, but I did not realize that magic figure of "30" until 2 days back. And I was paused for a moment.Will I celebrate my 60th b'day? If not, then I have already spent half of my life. All my near and dear ones seemed to appear in front of me, whom I have to leave one day.Did I feel like crying? I felt so. It was a difficult moment. The thought of one's death comes to everyone's mind at times or the other, but it never came to me so intensely. It was too heavy for me to let that thought creep into my mind further, so I had to close the door. It was just a few seconds, but it took me a journey 30 years forward and I had a glimpse of what is lying ahead.Everyone of us have to face it one day.
But today is my b'day yaar!! Let's try to forget those thoughts for a moment. I woke up in the morning after receiving a sms from my sister which says "Be happy and keep them happy who brought you here". It again struck me. Am I keeping them happy? Are they proud of me? They know the answer best but I am making a promise to myself today that I will keep my sister's words, if not already. Today I stay miles away from my parents to earn my bread and butter and at the end of each passing day my heart becomes heavier with the thought that I have missed one more day staying close to them.Every day of my life starts with prayer and ends with the same prayer "GOD, please do something..please let me go close to them".But GOD hasn't answered me yet.Feeling heavy again, but can't let my emotion takes control over me, I said to myself "STOP it here!! It's your b'day, it's time to enjoy". "Oh yes", I realize.
I can see my orkut scrap book is floating with wishes since yesterday, received few calls from close friends.But the number of calls certainly have reduced over the years. There was a sense of pride during the school/college days as who wishes the b'day boy/girl first, but it does not seem to have any relevance today.I am not complaining about it,either.Everyone of us had got busy with our individual lives, but in spite of everything when two my close friends, one flew more than 1000 miles and the other took one of the biggest risk of his life by driving 300 miles on US highway for the first time after getting his DL, to make it to my b'day, I simply had no words for them.I used to feel bad if someone close forgot to wish me but today I realize it is more important to have a friend whom you can always bank on at your difficult times, even if he forgets your birthday. The definition of friendship has certainly changed for me over the years, wishing "Happy Birth Day" is the peripheral, not the core of friendship.
All the wishes are pouring in. My wife is cooking the dishes i like most. My parents are sending their blessings and praying for my long and happy life. But still amidst all these, I am not able to get rid of that "30"!! Is it because this very thought never come to my mind before or is the realization true that i might have already lived half of my life, anything extra i would consider as bonus.Live is a 360 degree circle and from now on, every step will take me towards where from I started. It is as if I am reminding myself that if i have not already woken up, it is time for me to wake up. If anything worth doing is not yet done, I should start doing it. On of my ex-colleague and mentor once told me "When you will be lying on your death bed and you will be looking back, you should be proud of what you have achieved in life, you should be proud of the legacy you are leaving behind. The lesser regrets you will have that day, the happier you will be. And all through our life, our sole aim would be to make us the happiest on that very day".
Therefore, I have set my focus.Henceforth, I will live everyday of my life as if it is my last day on earth. I will do whatever it takes to make my near and dear ones happy. I will try to be a better human being with each passing day. I will make a life so that everyone realizes when i will be no more. I had read a bengali poem long time back, but today i am realizing each words of it....
Jedin tumi pratham eshechile bhabe
Tumi matra kede chile hese chilo sabe
Emon jivan hobe karite gathan
Marane hasibe tumi kadibe bhuban...
Equivalent english translation
When you first came to this world,
you only cried and everyone else smiled
You should make a life so that after death,
you will smile and rest will be crying...
But today is my b'day yaar!! Let's try to forget those thoughts for a moment. I woke up in the morning after receiving a sms from my sister which says "Be happy and keep them happy who brought you here". It again struck me. Am I keeping them happy? Are they proud of me? They know the answer best but I am making a promise to myself today that I will keep my sister's words, if not already. Today I stay miles away from my parents to earn my bread and butter and at the end of each passing day my heart becomes heavier with the thought that I have missed one more day staying close to them.Every day of my life starts with prayer and ends with the same prayer "GOD, please do something..please let me go close to them".But GOD hasn't answered me yet.Feeling heavy again, but can't let my emotion takes control over me, I said to myself "STOP it here!! It's your b'day, it's time to enjoy". "Oh yes", I realize.
I can see my orkut scrap book is floating with wishes since yesterday, received few calls from close friends.But the number of calls certainly have reduced over the years. There was a sense of pride during the school/college days as who wishes the b'day boy/girl first, but it does not seem to have any relevance today.I am not complaining about it,either.Everyone of us had got busy with our individual lives, but in spite of everything when two my close friends, one flew more than 1000 miles and the other took one of the biggest risk of his life by driving 300 miles on US highway for the first time after getting his DL, to make it to my b'day, I simply had no words for them.I used to feel bad if someone close forgot to wish me but today I realize it is more important to have a friend whom you can always bank on at your difficult times, even if he forgets your birthday. The definition of friendship has certainly changed for me over the years, wishing "Happy Birth Day" is the peripheral, not the core of friendship.
All the wishes are pouring in. My wife is cooking the dishes i like most. My parents are sending their blessings and praying for my long and happy life. But still amidst all these, I am not able to get rid of that "30"!! Is it because this very thought never come to my mind before or is the realization true that i might have already lived half of my life, anything extra i would consider as bonus.Live is a 360 degree circle and from now on, every step will take me towards where from I started. It is as if I am reminding myself that if i have not already woken up, it is time for me to wake up. If anything worth doing is not yet done, I should start doing it. On of my ex-colleague and mentor once told me "When you will be lying on your death bed and you will be looking back, you should be proud of what you have achieved in life, you should be proud of the legacy you are leaving behind. The lesser regrets you will have that day, the happier you will be. And all through our life, our sole aim would be to make us the happiest on that very day".
Therefore, I have set my focus.Henceforth, I will live everyday of my life as if it is my last day on earth. I will do whatever it takes to make my near and dear ones happy. I will try to be a better human being with each passing day. I will make a life so that everyone realizes when i will be no more. I had read a bengali poem long time back, but today i am realizing each words of it....
Jedin tumi pratham eshechile bhabe
Tumi matra kede chile hese chilo sabe
Emon jivan hobe karite gathan
Marane hasibe tumi kadibe bhuban...
Equivalent english translation
When you first came to this world,
you only cried and everyone else smiled
You should make a life so that after death,
you will smile and rest will be crying...
Very nice and touching post. You are getting better and better with each post. Keep it up dear!
ReplyDeleteYou know, I've already crossed '30'. It has come with a realisation that there is not much I have done in these three decades! I've been living a life with plenty of mistakes and vices and unkept promises. But I guess that is called normal living!
I can only hope of getting better in coming days. Easier to say Hard to do, though!
One thing I've realised is that, if you start discovering yourself, things become easy. You start knowing what makes you really happy and you just focus on doing it. Nothing more nothing less. The freedom to do what you like, I think, is called happiness!
Read RGV's blog about B'day few days ago! May be you should check that out too. He prefers to call it "happy Deathday"! http://rgvzoomin.com/2009/06/21/happy-deathday/
Really awesome post...
ReplyDeleteI'm honored at getting such a spetial mention in your birthday post :) ... but why think of death? again to borrow from bengali saying: balai shat, shat-e morbi keno? why wud u die at 60? a long life is ahead of u, my friend :)
ReplyDelete@Hasan,
ReplyDeleteYou keep me inspiring ..i will try my best :-P
What you have said pretty much summarizes why life is called a journey.You keep on discovering yourself and you can never say you are done.
@Samik,
How can i forget that day even if 3 long years have passed by then. It seems to me just yesterday, when you guys came to my house amidst that torrential rain, we had dinner at 3am, and that whole weekend. I even told either to you or to Satya that is the best b'day i had since i have been staying away from Kolkata. You have been there and be there, i know you will...
@Samik,
ReplyDeleteAnd regarding the death thought, i did not think about it intentionally, it just came and so the blog,otherwise i would not have written this blog.Every one wishes to live long ans so am I.On a lighter note, may be both of us can spend our 75th b'day together at the Miami beach and do whatever we did before!!:-p
A well-written, touching and thought-provoking post. Nice of you to quote from a Bengali poem :)
ReplyDeleteA happy, belated birthday to you. I hope you had a grand birthday with your near and dear ones.
Best wishes :)
Ayesha
Well written....wish you use the powder and face cream on your 60th b day as well............bhalo thakis....with ur golden heart....!!
ReplyDelete@Ayesha,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your wishes. I had a good birthday not a great one, as except my wife no other dear ones were close by.But anyway, part of life...
@Sneham,
You know i can't say everything what i want to say to you here, so you are spared :-) And everything needs good maintenance, so why not me :-P
belated wishes to you mustaf...
ReplyDeletegood lines they are, though i came across them before . Is that bengali??
@Mahesh,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the wishes. Yes, I read those lines in Bengali in my childhood, but I am not sure whether they were originally from Bengali or taken from some other language and the English translation was completely mine :-)